Halfway There

Last week, he(my boyfriend) suggested that on our monthsary, we would stay on a beach resort to celebrate that event. I was so happy and excited that I've waited for that day to come. I changed all my plans, cancelled all my activities that would affect our day and even backed out on a free Bohol trip with my former teammates. We bumped some little problems like our budget and the place we should stay at. So, I did everything I looked for a cheaper resort that would fit for his budget. I asked him if is it okay that we would look for someone that we could share with, so that our expenses would not be that big. He said yes. I was able to find a person that is willing to share expenses with us and it was all set. I was able to sleep happily, so excited for the day to come. I told myself cancelling my activities and appointments would not be useless at all because I would be with my love one for our monthsary.

September 4, 2009 -- It was almost noon when I woke up. I happily greeted him good morning and said I love you. We were exchanging sms smoothly, until he told me that our plan might not be pursued because they'll be having a team building. I was startled and disturbed. All of the sudden I was very very mad to him. I told foul words that I almost cursed him. I was so disappointed at him. I argued with him and told him all the bad things that I can say. I told him all the efforts and sacrifices I made just to make sure that our plan will pursue. I was really angry. I was in a bad hair day!

I went to school with an angry face that nobody would want to talk to me. I still argued with him through sms, even if I'm in class. I can't concentrate. I was full of anger, it feels like I wanna kill somebody. I told him that we should meet after my class and talk about it. And we did, we went to this mall and talk there. I let out all my emotions, my disappointments ang my anger to him, and he was just silent that irritated me most. But I was able to cool down after letting out all I want to say. I told him that we should go private because I want to hug him. He said yes, and we rode a jeepney to get there. At the middle of our travle he told me that we won't pursue it because he has a headache. And there I flared up again because for the third time he disappoints me. When I the jeepney stopped I hurriedly went out and left him.

The reason why I flared up so much is because I expected to much. I got jealous because he chosed his teammates over me. I am so possesive that I want all his attention. I also got irritated when he told me that I was just looking for a flaw on him so that I could break up with him. I was really in pain when he said that. And I was blinded with my anger that I didn't care for him. But still I love him so much. I know I have a short commings too.