Halfway There

I was just 17 when I started to venture on same sex. I heard stories from my peers and neighbor that gays are good in giving you a head. I was curious and I fantasized that to happen to me. Since then whenever I masturbate I would imagine that a gay guy would suck mine. I don't know why but every time I heard stories about two men having sex, would really make me arouse. Later on I was on an identity crisis.

As the years pass I decided maybe I was just curious then. So I set myself that I would only fuck boys and love girls -- in short I was "TOP." Someone had introduced me to "MIRC," an internet char relay. There I learned some room where I can find some guys to experiment with -- with same sex. I was young, so many of the guys would really want me. I had several sex encounters being top. I had fucked several cute guys and some curious guys like me. Some were younger that me but most of them are older than me. I enjoyed being Top, watching the face reaction of my partner, enjoying my bottom suck and ride mine.

Years later, I decide to have a fuck buddy(fubu) since during that time HIV was rampant. I thought having one sexual partner would be safer. Anyways, I met guy who wanted the same. We had hot sweaty sex every time we do it. He was versatile and I was top. We've been together for about 3 months, we were like a couple already. With in that 3 months my partner got bored with our role. So he told me, to try sucking his. I was hesitant and I was really disgusted. He made me do it, he forced me, he held my head let his, "his" into my mouth. I was about to puke after that.

Weeks had gone, we never talked to each other and or even communicate. Until such time that I missed sucking his jewel. I don't know got into me but I missed it. He talked to me first and ask for an apology, he said he was just horny that time and his tired of being a bottom. I accepted his apology and told him to teach me how to suck. He was startled and confused. I was confused too but it felt good whenever I imagine sucking his jewel. So, without hesitation he taught me how to suck. And I learned. If his not that I cute I would really not going to suck him. As a normal relationship ours died to its natural death. We parted each other after 3 months.

After that every time someone would ask me what's role in bed, I would answer versa since I already learned how to suck. So, I was sexually active again in the chat room with my new role. I don't suck a lot, only if my partner would be irresistible. I had several partners again. Until such time courted me and wanted me to be his boyfriend. I hesitant again, because I told my self that I'm not gay. I would not love a boy, but I would only fuck him. But I failed, I learned to love him. His the very first guy that I fell in love with. During that time I accepted my self that I'm not straight anymore. But our relationship didn't last long.

So, I get back to business and return to my vice -- sex. Back into the chat room and fuck again some teenage boys. I was 19 y.o. when I met a guy who deflowered me. He was 4 years older than me. At first he told me that he was a bottom and want me to fuck him. We decided to meet on a lodging house. And that was a nightmare, he raped me, forced me to received his. I was crying but I can't do anything his bigger than me. After that incident I decided to revenge to anyone, I don't know why but I really wanted to revenge. I've met several young tops whose smaller than me, and I forced them to receive mine. I was satisfied seeing them cry with pain. Then I repent, its not their fault why I was deflowered it was mine, so I stopped doing that. I was sexually dormant for about a year.

Then I entertained some relationship, some were a happy relationship with love but most of them was just pure lust. I had this partner who taught me to be a bottom. I was in love with him so whenever he wants me to fuck, I would agree. I gave him my all but eventually he abandoned me. He chose his career over me. During this relationship I was the bottom.

Now I have a new partner and I also love him so much. He is a versa and I am too. But every time we had sex, he's the top and I am the bottom. I don't know why but If I see my partner is satisfied the I am satisfied too. Even though I really wanted to fuck him or let him suck mine, I would sacrifice that just for him to be satisfied.